I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
