Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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