If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
