i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
