i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
