So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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