Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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