Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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