Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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