This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
