white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
