Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
