You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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