You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Randomize
