is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
