Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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