My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
