fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
