i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
