He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
