im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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