Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
