You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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