I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
