omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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