I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
