She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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