So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Will exercising make me less horny?
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