this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
