3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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