Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
