when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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