Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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