My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
