i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
