So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
