good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
