Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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