my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
