he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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