He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
