I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
