Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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