WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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