Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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