I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just had sex bonerless
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
