You smell like stripper and shame
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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