Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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