I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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