so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
