i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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