I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
